1+1>2: Building Extraordinary Relationships
Exploring the elements that transform relationships into sources of strength and fulfillment
Few decisions in life hold as much significance in shaping your future and overall quality of life as choosing a life partner. Recently, I had the privilege of attending the wedding of two of my closest friends, Shirouz and Aditi. Over the past six years, I’ve watched their relationship evolve, and witnessing their love and unwavering commitment to building a life together was profoundly inspiring.
My connection with Shirouz runs deep - not only is he a really close friend, but he was also my first co-founder. Together, as students, we launched Insole Lab, a direct-to-consumer fully-customised podiatric insole company. As undergraduate students, we poured our energy into the venture, competing in pitch competitions across Singapore and securing nearly $80,000 in non-dilutive funding and winning SEA’s largest student pitch competition. Despite our initial success, life took us on different paths. After my graduation, I stepped away to support my family business, Aetosky, while Shirouz focused on completing his undergraduate studies and preparing to become an Ironman athlete. Ultimately, we decided to close insole lab’s chapter, but the experience shaped both of us in profound ways. Watching him now, taking on the role of a husband and building a life with Aditi, the beautiful bride in the picture, got me reflecting on the immense impact a life partner has - not just as someone to share your days with but as a someone who shapes your growth, happiness, and life trajectory. When you consider the decades you’ll spend together and the countless decisions they’ll influence, it only makes sense to ensure your visions for life align.
The right partner doesn’t just complement you; they push you to grow in ways you didn’t think possible. They encourage you to take risks, chase dreams, and tackle challenges head-on. During the wedding speeches, their friends and family shared countless anecdotes about how Shirouz and Aditi have supported each other through challenges, celebrated each other’s wins, and grown together as individuals. It reminded me of what truly makes a relationship successful: a partnership where '1 + 1 > 2,' where two people bring out the best in each other and thrive together.
Even if you’re not entirely sure about your life’s vision, it’s worth thinking about how that partner should fit into your future. How they handle things - like their values, habits, and how they approach life - can tell you a lot about what life with them might look like in the long run. I firmly believe we grow by osmosis, especially when it comes to the people we spend the most time with. Every action they take subtly influences us, just as ours influence them. In a healthy relationship, this can be really positive. For me, being with my partner has made me more disciplined, better with money, and even more appreciative of good food.
When a relationship is rooted in mutual respect, shared vision, and a commitment to growth, the impact goes far beyond the two of you. It sets the tone for families, friendships, and even future generations. This is my take on what makes a relationship not just functional but extraordinary.
Self-Awareness and Partner Selection
Before jumping into a long-term relationship (or evaluating the one you’re in), the first step is knowing yourself. What’s your life’s vision? What are your core values? What boundaries are you unwilling to compromise on?
Ask yourself:
What do I want out of life, and what’s my life’s work?
What values do I want in my future household?
How do I like to spend my time, and which activities do I want to share with my partner?
What are my financial priorities?
What kind of relationship do I want my partner to have with my family and friends?
What are my non-negotiables, and which behaviours are deal-breakers?
These questions might feel overwhelming at first, but they form the foundation of self-awareness. Rest assured, they don’t need to be set in stone - your answers will evolve with time and experience. The goal is to be aware of where you stand now. Self-awareness acts like a compass, helping you navigate relationships with clarity and confidence.
From my own journey, I’ve found three approaches particularly helpful for building self-awareness:
Journaling
Writing down your thoughts helps you process emotions and identify patterns. It’s a way to reflect on your growth and refine your vision over time. Journaling is also a way to track personal growth and refine your vision over time. Honestly, it’s one of the reasons I write pieces like this - to sort out my thoughts and connect with others with similar values.
Talking to People
Engaging in interesting and meaningful conversations can challenge your assumptions and open your mind to new perspectives. Sometimes, hearing about someone else’s experiences makes you rethink what you value and why. Your opinions aren’t necessarily always the truth. The insights you gain from these discussions can be surprisingly eye-opening.
Spending Time with an Empty Mind
Spending time alone, away from distractions like social media or music, can help you connect with your inner thoughts. For me, yoga is what makes these moments of stillness feel natural and effortless. For you, it might be something entirely different, but the point is to let you hear the voice inside that often gets drowned out by all the external noise.
Each of these approaches serves a purpose: journaling helps you unpack the past, conversations broaden your outlook, and spending time with an empty mind connects you with your intuition. What works best will vary depending on where you are in life, and it’s very hard for me to prescribe when each of these approaches will be most useful, but the key is the intention of introspection. By better understanding yourself, you’ll naturally recognise who aligns with your vision.
Foundations of an Extraordinary Relationship
In my view, an extraordinary relationship is one where two people come together to create something greater than the sum of their parts - a “1 + 1 > 2” type scenario. It’s not about completing each other or filling voids, as the popular “you complete me” sentiment might suggest. The whole notion of completing yourself just seems really flawed to me. Instead, it’s about fostering mutual growth, adding value to each other’s lives, and finding shared fulfilment.
Fun fact: When I first drafted this piece, I titled it “1 + 1 = 3.” A few friends joked that I was alluding to having children. I found it quite funny and definitely not the angle I had in mind!
A healthy relationship is a partnership where each person brings their strengths, experiences, and perspectives to the table. It’s not about losing your individuality; it’s about enhancing it. A strong partnership creates a space where both of you can thrive - pushing each other to grow, feeling supported in your pursuits, and finding inspiration in each other’s successes.
This kind of partnership doesn’t happen without intentional effort. It requires effort and accountability. Love without expectations, often idealised as unconditional love, can be problematic in romantic relationships. The concept of unconditional love suggests that no matter what one does, their partner will continue to love them. I believe this kind of love only exists for children and pets. If I stopped pursuing my goals and became complacent, unhealthy, and uninspiring, I’d expect my partner to call me out - and I’d respect them for it. Love, in this context, becomes a driving force for growth, not a justification for mediocrity and contentment.
This perspective doesn’t dismiss extraordinary circumstances, such as serious illness or life-altering events, where love and support naturally transcend everyday demands. But in situations where one partner willingly chooses not to contribute or evolve, the relationship risks losing its vitality. When both partners are committed to growth - individually and together - the relationship becomes a powerful force.
The Five Elements of a Successful Relationship
Love is often celebrated as the cornerstone of relationships, but the truth is that love alone isn’t enough. A truly successful relationship is built on five essential, interdependent factors:
Trust
Respect
Communication
Willingness to Grow Together
Emotional and Physical Connection
Each of these elements plays a distinct role in creating a resilient, fulfilling partnership. Without them, relationships risk resentment, dissatisfaction, and eventually, fractures. Let me expound my thoughts further on each of these five elements:
Trust
Trust is the foundation of any relationship - without it, everything falls apart. This applies to co-founders and friends as much as it does to romantic relationships. It develops gradually, as your partner gathers “data points” about your actions and behaviours to assess how reliable and genuine you are. Once trust is established, it creates a secure environment where vulnerability and honest communication can thrive. However, if trust is broken, it’s extremely difficult to repair, as those data points have revealed themselves to be unreliable.
There are layers to trust:
Reliability-based Trust:
When one partner says they’ll do something and delivers on it repeatedly, it builds confidence in their reliability. For example, showing up on time for plans, being dependable during moments of crisis, and following through on shared responsibilities, like financial commitments or house chores.
Intent-based Trust:
This relates to believing in your partner’s goodwill and motives. Even when mistakes are made, you trust that their intentions are positive and not meant to harm or deceive. For example, trusting that constructive criticism comes from a place of love and growth or believing your partner is acting in your shared best interests, even in challenging situations.
A funny situation recently put the intent-based trust in my relationship to the test. While speaking with my close friends, I mentioned how strong the foundation of trust is in my relationship. Naturally, they challenged me and questioned, “If we told her you were flirting on this trip, what would she say?” I confidently replied, “She wouldn’t believe you - she’d believe me.” Determined to prove me wrong, they decided to test it out. Her response? She played along, laughed, and said, “I’m sure he did just that,” completely brushing it off. Later, when we spoke, she casually asked why my friends were trying to mess with her, completely unbothered by their attempt to stir things up. It was a lighthearted yet reassuring reminder of the trust we’ve built - she knows me well enough to see through anything that doesn’t align with my character.
Emotional Trust:
This involves trusting your partner with your vulnerabilities, feelings, and inner world. It means knowing you can share your fears, desires, and struggles without fear of judgment or betrayal. For instance, feeling safe to express insecurities without worrying about them being dismissed, or trusting that your partner won’t weaponise sensitive information during conflicts. Larry David’s infamous ‘Relationship Disclosure Agreement’ in Curb Your Enthusiasm hilariously underscores the importance of this emotional trust, showing just how quickly walls go up when a partner collects “data points” that suggest otherwise.
There are many more layers to trust but that isn’t the topic of this piece. Each layer contributes to the overall resilience and depth of trust in a relationship. While some layers, like reliability, are built through consistent actions, others, like emotional trust, require vulnerability and communication. By cultivating trust across these dimensions, couples create a foundation that can weather challenges and deepen their connection over time.
Respect
Respect, in the context of relationships, is about valuing your partner as an individual and treating the relationship itself with care and intention.
Respecting Individuality and Personal Values
A strong relationship balances togetherness and individuality. Respecting your partner means acknowledging their unique thoughts, feelings, and boundaries. It’s about creating space for independence so both of you can pursue your goals without feeling constrained. Trust and open communication are key here - address concerns maturely, without trying to control or restrict each other. When both partners feel trusted and free, the relationship becomes a source of strength, not tension.
Respect also means appreciating your partner’s traits and values - their intellect, discipline, kindness, etc. When you admire their qualities, they can inspire you to improve as well. This type of respect fosters mutual inspiration, where you motivate each other to reach new heights.
I think feeling challenged from your partner is actually a really good thing. However, the key is to challenge through inspiration, not destruction. Destructive challenges - like putting your partner down or competing with them - stem from insecurity and undermine the relationship. Inspirational challenge, on the other hand, happens when your partner’s strengths and effort encourage you to improve yourself, not out of obligation, but out of admiration and a shared commitment to growth.
Respecting the Relationship
Respect isn’t just about how you treat your partner; it’s also about how you treat the relationship itself. This means acting with integrity and making choices that honour the trust and connection you’ve built. Even without explicit boundaries, taking the initiative to avoid actions that could hurt your partner demonstrates maturity and respect. I’d expect this level of maturity from my partner, and anyone with self-respect would. You want someone you can rely on and someone worth the effort; don’t waste time on a partner who doesn’t respect your relationship.
A relationship built on trust and mutual respect creates emotional security, giving both partners the freedom to focus on personal and shared goals. I’ve got nothing to hide from my partner. It’s all open book. When you’re not caught up worrying about avoidable conflicts, you can channel that energy into building something meaningful together.
Communication
Communication is the backbone of any relationship, but it’s not as simple as just saying whatever comes to mind. Open communication is key but it requires a level of tact and awareness. Communication comes in two forms: verbal and non-verbal. Knowing how and when to express yourself is just as crucial as the words you choose to say.
I can’t just prescribe a one-size-fits-all rule like “tell your partner everything.” It’s more nuanced than that and really depends on the context of your relationship. There are moments to speak openly and moments where it’s better to pause, reflect, and consider how your words will be received. It’s not about withholding or being dishonest; it’s about understanding timing, delivery, and the context of your relationship.
For men, there’s often an added layer to this dynamic. Respect is paramount - arguably more so than likeability - and maintaining it sometimes means filtering your thoughts and emotions in ways that strengthen the relationship rather than creating unnecessary conflict. None of us have perfect thoughts all the time, and part of being a good communicator is learning to refine those thoughts before sharing them. It’s a delicate balance of honesty and intentionality - being true to yourself while considering the impact of your words.
Also, just never speak when you’re angry. I’m fortunate in that I rarely get angry, and can control myself pretty well when I do, but I’ve seen friends say things in the heat of the moment that caused lasting damage. Anger clouds judgment and words spoken out of frustration rarely lead to favourable outcomes. If you’re upset, just take a step back before engaging in conversation - it almost always leads to better results.
Most communication is non-verbal - all the actions and gestures. Do you hug your partner often? Do you show love and appreciation daily through little acts of care? These seemingly small things add up over time to build emotional intimacy and a house of love. With children, it’s even more important. Ideally, they should grow up witnessing the love and respect you share with your partner; giving them a clear example of what a healthy relationship looks like and setting the standard for the kind of environment they’ll want to build in their future. Communication is as much about what you do as it is about what you say, and you need both.
Willingness to grow together
There’s an undeniable beauty in facing struggles together. Life isn’t always smooth, but the moments when you tackle challenges as a team reveal the true strength of your relationship. Overcoming adversity together creates a sense of unity - a bond that grows deeper with every obstacle you conquer.
These shared struggles highlight what makes a partnership special. It’s not just about the good times; it’s about standing side by side during the difficult ones. You need to have each other’s backs.
It’s easy to love someone when everything is going well, but the true depth of a relationship is revealed in how you handle the tough moments. Whether it’s external pressures or internal conflicts, sticking it out together reinforces trust and builds a shared history of resilience. It’s not about enduring hardship for its own sake but about knowing that the effort to solve problems together makes the relationship stronger.
Choosing to stay and grow through adversity is what separates fleeting connections from lasting partnerships. It’s a mutual decision to invest in the relationship, even when it’s hard because you both know the rewards are worth it.
Emotional and Physical Connection
A strong relationship thrives on both emotional and physical connection. Physical attraction is often the spark that brings two people together, but sustaining that connection takes effort and intention. Taking care of yourself - whether through fitness, grooming or how you present yourself - not only boosts your confidence but also demonstrates respect for your partner and the relationship. While deeper qualities are essential, looks do matter; they are a reflection of the effort and care you invest in yourself and the partnership. Physical intimacy goes beyond mere attraction; it’s an ongoing way to show affection, strengthen closeness, and nurture the bond you share. This plays a critical role in fostering deeper intimacy and mutual desire.
Emotional connection is important too. It’s about creating a space where both partners feel understood, appreciated, and safe to share their feelings and dreams without worrying about being judged. It’s also about being able to speak openly and feel listened to and respected. This kind of connection helps the relationship handle challenges and grow stronger over time. Personally, I’ve been working on being more present with my partner - learning how to experience the moment rather than letting my thoughts drift off to work.
Challenges in Relationships
No relationship is without its challenges. While ups and downs are natural, certain patterns can indicate deeper issues that undermine everything written above. Recognising these unhealthy dynamics early is crucial to maintaining a strong and fulfilling partnership.
Control and Autonomy
One of the biggest challenges in relationships arises when one partner feels the need to control or limit the other’s autonomy. This might look like jealousy, mistrust, or trying to dictate how the other person lives their life. But healthy relationships thrive on freedom, not control. Both partners should feel secure enough to respect each other’s individuality while maintaining trust.
Open, honest conversations about what makes you feel uneasy are the key. Clear boundaries help too. Reassure each other through your actions, not by monitoring or policing behaviour. Trust grows from freedom, not control.
Imbalance of Power
Sometimes, relationships fall into an imbalance of power where one partner dominates decision-making or makes the other feel like their voice doesn’t matter. This can happen in many ways, but, in my experience, it’s especially common when one partner holds financial power.
A good relationship feels like a true partnership. It’s important to check in with each other and make sure both opinions are heard and respected. If something feels off-balance, don’t let it fester - address it together and work toward fairness.
Attention-Seeking Behaviour
It’s normal to want attention from your partner - it’s part of feeling loved and valued. But when that need turns manipulative, like provoking jealousy or creating unnecessary drama, it chips away at emotional security.
True emotional security comes from mutual respect and appreciation, not from playing games. If insecurities are lurking under the surface, it’s better to face them as a team than to let manipulation take over.
Toxic dynamics, such as physical or verbal abuse, are unequivocally unacceptable and should never be tolerated. Needless to say, if these issues persist or escalate despite efforts to resolve them, you should walk away. Leaving a toxic relationship is about self-respect more than anything else, even if it comes with challenges or difficult consequences for the other person. Any response other than walking away weakens not only the partnership but also the individuals within it.
Embody What You Expect
In relationships you cannot expect qualities from your partner that you aren’t unwilling to embody yourself. Holding others to standards you don’t meet creates a double standard, which can strain respect over time. Relationships thrive on reciprocity - when both partners hold themselves accountable to the same standards of effort, behaviour, and values.
If you expect open communication, you must be willing to share your thoughts and feelings honestly. If you value health and fitness, you should be prioritising your well-being. If trust is important to you, you must demonstrate integrity and reliability. The energy and intention you bring to a relationship often set the tone for what you receive in return. This is about aligning your actions with the expectations you have of others.
Demanding qualities you don’t embody can lead to frustration and conflict. Such inconsistencies can breed resentment and weaken the foundation of trust. On the other hand, when both partners hold themselves accountable to the same standards, they create a space of mutual respect, equality, and genuine connection.
Exemplify the values you want in a partner and you’ll attract just that.
Parenthood Without Losing Partnership
Though I don’t have children yet, I have spent some time reflecting on the balance between parenthood and partnership. It’s a common story: couples who were once deeply connected find themselves drifting apart after becoming parents. The demands of raising children can easily overshadow the effort needed to nurture the relationship itself. I hope to approach parenthood in a way that strengthens - not sidelines - the bond with my partner.
In my view, the relationship with your partner should take precedence over the one with your children. A strong, loving partnership is the foundation of a thriving family. It’s a simple matter of path dependency: when your relationship is rooted in mutual respect, love, and communication, your children benefit profoundly. They grow up in an environment that models the very qualities they need to build healthy relationships of their own.
Both partners must actively define their roles and work together to create the lifestyle they envision. It’s easy for the chaos of parenting to push the partnership to the sidelines, but prioritising the relationship is essential. We need to model the qualities we want our children to embody.
Children learn more from what they see than what they’re told. The way you and your partner handle conflict, show affection, and support each other directly shapes how they approach their relationships and challenges in life. Character, in my opinion, surpasses any external achievement.
While I fully admit this is a hypothesis (and I may very well find myself overwhelmed when the time comes), I believe that a healthy, supportive partnership is the cornerstone of a thriving family. By prioritising your relationship with your partner, you create a ripple effect that benefits not just you but also your children.
Conclusion
If you’re a close friend of mine and having a Hindu wedding, you probably shouldn’t invite me to your Haldi ceremony unless you’re ready to be smothered in turmeric - just kidding.
A thriving relationship is built on trust, respect, communication, a willingness to grow, and a deep emotional and physical connection. It’s about building a partnership where you bring out the best in each other. When both people put in the effort, the relationship becomes a source of strength and love that naturally radiates to those around you. Don’t settle for mediocrity, relationships are meant to help you thrive.
Wishing Shirouz and Aditi a blessed marriage. Here’s to a lifetime of shared dreams, cherished moments, and beautiful new beginnings. It’s going to be an incredible journey, and I know they’ll navigate it with the same love, laughter, and teamwork that brought them here today.
If you’re curious about business, technology, or philosophy, I’d love to hear from you. Please reach out at akashsmittal@gmail.com. I’m always excited to connect with others passionate about shaping the future.